Do I need a Doctor for this?

I don't know what's wrong but I really have trouble eating. If I do eat, I'll eat a quarter of my plate; otherwise, I won't eat anything at all. I know it isn't healthy but I can't force food into me.

And it's not like I don't want to eat, I just don't feel like it.

I blame the stupid commons food.

Why Am I Here?

My mind isn't.

Well this made my day.

Maroon 5 are performing at the BJC in March! :)

Don't ask me for the time.

So I have a problem.

See, when you're in college, you have all this filler time. Where you're just in between; between one class and the next, between meals and library time. That kind of thing. My filler time has always been right where I'm between consciousness and sleep. You know, those last couple of minutes (or hours for you insomniacs) where you're just laying in bed and you aren't exactly awake to the world, but you're wide awake to pretty much every single thought and emotion in your head.

There's nothing wrong with that, right? I like to call it my "special" time. :) NO, not that kind of special you morons.

*...*

The problem that I'm facing now is that my "special" time has somehow managed to extend. Now it isn't just thinking before I go to bed. It's when I'm walking to and from class... or when I'm having dinner... or even sometimes when I'm in class. And now I'm pretty much just living in my own little world. When I walk down the street, I don't hear what's going on around me (could be that iPod, too). I don't really look at the people or places that pass me. I'm no longer attuned to the world around me... and it's becoming quite disturbing.

Today, a woman in the elevator asked me for the time. Distractedly, I told her it was 1:15.. not even bothering to check my watch. When I got to my dorm, I glanced at the clock on the wall and it was 2:30.

What the hell is wrong with me!

I need some sense slapped in me. Then I need to be slapped senseless.

:)

Lady in elevator, I apologize and sincerely hope I caused no inconvenience. I can only imagine.. "Hey, it's only 1:15.. there's still an hour left before I have to give my terminally ill son his life-saving medication."

Aah!

I really feel like some bread with Kraft cream cheese spread.

Fine. I'll stop posting now.

Oh and...

Since I'm usually ranting about the need to be unique, individualistic, and original, I have decided to rename this blog.

Okay... so I don't actually ever talk about the need to be unique, individualistic, and original, but for the sake of this post... let's pretend I do.

I came to the conclusion that "nothing out of the ordinary" doesn't exactly give people an idea of how original I truly am (heh). So I've come up with "Reflections."

How very unique. :)

I'll try to come up with something better later. I'm tired now. Good night.

Where's my sister? She's disappeared! Why the fuck is everyone disappearing these days! Nobody wants to talk to me. *wallows in self-pity* I feel like that friendless kid that always gets picked on in grade school. Yeah, that one. The one who always used to cry to her mother that she didn't have any friends.

That was me.

Cruel, cruel children.

"Procrastination..

is the thief of time."

And I'm the queen of procrastination. So what does that make me?

*curses miserable self*

I have an exam tomorrow morning. Or later today... technically. No, I did not study. YES, of course I plan to. I wish I wasn't all talk and no play.

*whistles*

Anywho.

I would really like to say something profound. Luckily for you, I have nothing to rant about tonight. I spent the entire weekend sitting inside my dorm to avoid the enormous snow storm that was brought down upon us early Saturday. It was crazy. You couldn't step outside the building. The snow was coming down at a rate of like, 2 feet an hour.

OK, it wasn't that bad. I just wanted an excuse to sit around motionless for two days straight. And when I say motionless, I'm not joking. My side of the dorm is exactly three meters wide and two meters across. Throw in a bed, a desk, a cabinet, some drawers, a microfridge, the love of my life (my television), and my laptop and calculate HOW MUCH FREAKING LEG ROOM I END UP WITH. About 0.25 meters. That's the distance I have to cross to get from my bed to my desk and back. So you can imagine the amount of moving around I did this weekend. :)

And I still whined and complained about the fact that we didn't get a snow day.

"TO HELL WITH THIS, PENN STATE. I'M MOVING TO MEXICO."

TGI...

Friday.

Phew. What a long long week. What a long two weeks.

I can't believe it's been only two weeks since the beginning of semester. Honestly. This is insane! I'm ready for another holiday.

Speaking of holidays, spring break I'm going to Cali! Yeah, baby.

My aunt and I were supposed to plan a trip to Texas, but just as I started looking for good travel deals, I went to check her academic calendar and it turns out her break is like TWO weeks after ours! That sucks.

So instead I've decided to go to California. It'll be fun, and I need a break from this cold. And these classes. Seriously. Or I'll beat myself to death with a book. Or a pine tree.

I'm going to throw a HUGE BEACH BASH. *laughs maniacally*

You're all invited. :)

Isn't it strange...

..when you have so much going through your head, so much you want to express... and yet you can't seem to find a single word that'll even begin to describe everything you want to say?

These days, more often than not, that is how I feel. Like I just can't express myself properly.

Maybe it's because I don't really know what I'm thinking. Haha. Typical.

Well...

I'm back.

I've been pretty tired and busy in the past two days. Buying books and stuff for my dorm and unpacking and crap.

It's a little strange being back here. Seeing students milling around getting ready for semester to start. Sleeping in my cramped dorm bed. Crap like that. My energy is definitely on the negative side, but I'm slowly getting back into the system.

My classes start today at around 10 AM. This semester my earliest class is at 9:45AM and the latest ends at 5:30PM (and that's first-year seminar, only lasts four weeks). Not bad at all.

I'm going to head in for a shower right now.

One hour..

This is it.

I'm just sad and anxious.

I keep all my promises.

I'm sitting in the silence of my house. I'm trying to really savor my last night here by being meditative and reflective.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

Scarily enough, I actually don't want to leave.

As much as I enjoy "independent college life," I just can't bring myself to leave right now. It's harder than I imagined. It's harder than when I first left for school. Distance makes the heart grow fonder I guess. Distance and time.

Growing used to being home has made me less and less eager to return to college. It's hard for me to think that in less than a day, I'll be back at PSU.

I hate goodbyes.

It's all just a little hard to face. I'm like silently hoping that something will keep me here. Or that time will just stand still. But it won't.

And hey, you gotta face life. Right? Pretty soon I'll be caught up in that whirlwind of school and classes and people and I won't even realize it.

I had the best time here. I've done everything I promised myself I would do. Now I have to go!

2005

Happy New Year!

*is breathless*

:)